But I really feel like I should have been honest with you and ended my last post with a disclaimer: "I'm going through a faith crisis. I'll be back when my soul learns how to breathe again."
But, I didn't say that, did I? I'm a bit of a private person. Which is totally ironic given the fact I'm on the radio every day, but in person, face to face, well, let's just say socially awkward is a good way to describe me.
And when socially awkward people (i.e. introverts) go through any crisis, spiritual or otherwise, we like to retreat into our little shells. Snuggle our souls into comfy little blankets of protection. And shut most of the world out.
I guess that's what I've been doing the past six months or so. I've been wrapping myself up in the proverbial safe blanket of close friends and family.
But today I decided it's time to put away my snuggly blanket. And it seemed like a good day to come out of my shell and say hi. So howdy!
I've missed you!
I've been writing A LOT the past six months. About life. Loss. Pain. Sorrow. Grace. Anger. Hatred. Discomfort. Loss. Lots and lots of loss. And grief. Lots and lots of grief. And anger at God. Lots of that too. And joy. And finding joy in the muck of it all. And well, let's just say I have a lot to share with you!
I've been smart enough to not hit "publish" on any of the things I've written. We say a lot of things that we don't necessary believe when we are angry. All of which do not need to get out into the cold judgmental cruel world. So I've been sitting on these thoughts. Praying over them. Reworking them. Trying to decide which I should share with the world. And which I should leave between me and the Lord.
I'm still figuring things out. And really, when will I ever have it figured out? I recently decided that if I wait until everything is perfect and peachy keen in my life, I will never post another thing again.
But I know God wouldn't like that. He has been screaming at me lately to shed my comfy blanket and get out of my shell. And to hit publish on some of the things I've written.
So this is my first step. I figure if it took a bit for a man to walk on the moon, well, it will take a few steps for me to get ready to share some of my soul crisis with you.