and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths. (Proverbs 3:5-6)
God has burned the above bible verse into my heart this year. When we found out that our desire to have kids naturally had come to an end, I was devastated. Crushed. Beat up, hammered, broken, ripped apart and shredded to pieces. My soul was (still is) weary. And my eyes some days still so very teary.
It's tough when the path you choose has come to an end.
I walked around in a daze for months, feeling so insignificant and like such a zombie. (I really hate zombies, so please pardon my use of a horrible pop culture reference, but that's what I had become.) A zombie who cried at the drop of a hat, and sunk into obscurity from family and friends. Someone just barely able to get the basic tasks of life accomplished each day.
The hubby had his own zombie thing going on too.
Let's just say, it wasn't a pretty time for us friends. It still isn't some days. It's hard, finding out you aren't worthy to have kids.
But that's a lie. A huge lie, from our sneaky enemy.
I struggle every day not to believe these lies.
"You are unworthy. Unloved. Not a real woman. Barren. Broken. Vile. Unlovable. What's the point in living? You are not a woman. You have no purpose in this life."
Lies. Each and every one of them. And I hear them whispering to me every time I see a mama and her baby. Every time I read a Facebook announcement of a new birth. Every time I walk into church. Every time I walk through the kids section of a department store.
But I have a choice.
I can give in to the lies of Satan and believe I am not worthy. That I'm a barren piece of junk. Someone that has been stripped of my significance by the church, my family and my friends; knowing that I will never be able to create life. Someone unworthy of basic womanhood.
Or I can get up each day and choose life. God's word. His promises.
I can choose to trust in God's promises, even when I seriously have no idea what He's trying to accomplish in my life right now.
Here's the cold, harsh, stinky reality friends. Are you ready to hear it?
We ALL have choices to make.
Sometimes we make bad ones.
Sometimes good ones.
Other times, we're just downright lucky that things work out even when we choose poorly.
We have to live with our choices and trust that our great and mighty God will use all of them, the good and the bad, for His glory.
To the woman who is struggling today, wondering if she's not worthy - as a mom, a wife, a female, a human being. To the woman who gets up and looks in the mirror each day and chooses to see all her flaws; the flab, the gray hairs, the lines, the wrinkles. To the woman who believes she is never enough.
I have news for you:
You are more than beautiful. You are more than enough.
You are fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139: 14)
Today I wanted to remind you that you have a choice.
Believe those ugly lies.
Or choose God's beautiful truth.
Choose wisely dear, sweet, glorious daughter of the One True King.
Choose truth. For the truth shall set you free.
Make a choice today to turn away from the darkness that lurks within your mind. And speak truth to those awful thoughts. Shout out that you are a child of God. That you are beautiful, in spite of your flaws and because of your flaws. That Jesus died for you. To cover you in His grace moment by moment, each and every day.
You don't have to be the best mom or the perfect wife. Or the perfect anything. You just have to be the you God created. And that you, no matter the flaws, is absolutely beautiful.
"Heavenly Father, thank you for creating me in your image. Thank you for making me beautiful, unique, and filled with a God-given purpose that no one else on this earth possesses. Thank you for giving me your Word, which breathes life into this tired, sad, weary and sometimes doubting soul. Thank you Lord for creating me. And please, oh please, sweet Father, help me to understand my purpose, my significance and my role in this life. Help all the dear brothers and sisters in Christ who are struggling with this today, Lord. Let us not believe in the lies Satan tries to sell us. Let us instead look into the mirror and see us through your eyes father. In Jesus precious name. Amen"
Let's do our best today to shout away the lies of the enemy and choose to breathe life into our souls through God's wonderful promises and His perfect Word. Pick up your bible today sweet sisters. And choose Life! Choose JESUS!