Growing up my family was pretty messy.I'm sure yours was too. I mean, let's face it, nobody is perfect. But this was like super messy. My mom and dad were alcoholics. They fought all the time, mom would "bump" into tables with her arms, her legs and her face. The kids in our family had the same issue too. The stories we would make up for all the bumps and bruises were incredible. What was even more incredible is that the people we told them to chose to believe the lies at face value. (I think we believed them at times too!) "Talking" to each other at the top of our lungs was "normal," even though in my heart I knew it wasn't. I lived in a war zone for most of my childhood and young adult life.
At an early age, I knew Jesus.I was probably three or four when we first became fast friends, but by eight or so, I was busting Santagate wide open in our home and really was all about making sure Jesus got the glory at Christmas.
When I found out that Santa wasn't real, my 'hope' bubble popped. The hope I had been clinging to that Santa would somehow magically "fix" my family was stripped right out from underneath me.
Thankfully I knew Jesus would someday show me what it meant to be really loved by someone. I knew He would allow me to feel safe and secure in a home, not worried about saying something that could set someone off on a drinking spree or into a verbal or physical rage. I knew someday I would be in a home where I could lay my head down on a pillow at night and my body would be able to totally unwind and rest and get the good sleep it deserved.
I held onto the hope that the Lord would truly let me know what it meant to be loved by someone, without guilt trips, manipulation or being starved for affection because I did something that would have me "lose" the right to be loved for a period of time.
There is so much joy this Christmas.Thankfully, I can fast forward through 20 plus years of insanity and tell you today, as I celebrate Christmas I don't want or need anything from a store. Ok, that's a lie. Because the perfect wrinkle cream that would take a decade off the area around my eyes will ALWAYS be a want and a need that can never be fulfilled. #justkeepingitreal
But other than that, I have everything I need.
God has gifted me with my deepest heart's desire, to have a family filled with love, peace and security. I have an incredible husband. He's not perfect, but he's perfect for me. He's the peanut butter to my jelly. The rice to my roni. The lemon to my ade. Or whatever other corny things people like to throw out when it comes to love.Fourteen years ago the Lord placed this incredible man into my life and we are two months shy of being married for 13 wonderful, bumpy and so-filled-with-love years. Even though we celebrate this Christmas present without children to fill our home after so many years of infertility, I can tell you that this Christmas I have everything I need.
I have the gift of a man who loves the Lord and desires to serve Him. I have peace when I lay down at night to sleep. I have security that no matter what comes my way, I am loved by an amazing Savior who died for me and the man God gave me to do life with here on this earth.
Children, if they are God's desire for us, will come in His perfect timing, and in whatever way He chooses to build our future family.
This year, as I celebrate Christmas my heart is full, my life is overflowing with joy and I am so amazingly thankful that God has filled the Christmas desire of my little 9-year-old self. I am part of a family filled with love.
It's amazing how as we get older all the things we really want and need can't be bought from a store. Love. Security. Happiness. Laughter. Friendship. These are good and perfect gifts that only come from Above.
I'm so thankful for Jesus.For His beautiful gift of salvation. For His love for me. For His kindness and His mercy. And for His beautiful gifts of love, peace and security wrapped up in an incredibly handsome package and given to me through the love of a man named Erik. Yes, I know I already said that. But it needs to be said again and again and again and again when your heart is bursting with gratitude.
What are you celebrating this Christmas? No matter how bumpy your current season of life is, don't be too busy this Christmas season to take time and thank the Lord for all the blessings He has given you. And take the time to let those little and big blessings in your life know just how much they bring you joy. Tell them over and over and over again if you have to.